01/11/2022

Aftermath

As you’re reading this I’m gearing up to fly home. It’s the first time I’ve been back to Australia since I left in 2018. I am equally nervous and excited.

October threw me into a dark cloud. For a while, I felt like I was hopelessly scrambling. Friends and family would reach out, telling me not to be a stranger if I needed anything. Truthfully though, I didn’t know what to ask for. What can you ask of the people you love when you’ve lost the familiarity of the life you previously had? Money seems fickle. Possessions won’t satiate. You crave the comfort of a routine, of purpose. At the end of September, I felt as though that had been ripped out from underneath me.

Sometimes, though, you must experience the bad to appreciate the good. While I have stood surrounded by uncertainty, a few things have become clear. The love from the people in my outer world has intensified. The unwavering strength of my marriage has shone through. All my fears and doubts had been laid out neatly as if to be folded like laundry on a Sunday afternoon. I may not have appreciated the way in which my life was shaken up, but it has brought with it an irrefutable perspective.

Quietly, a fire has started to rekindle within me throughout October. I’ve begun to crave challenges. The intensity of this disruption in my life no longer feels as if it has left me blind. Instead, it feels like it’s pulling me. Steering me in a direction I would have been too afraid to go on my own. The path is still murky, but I’m doing my best to trust the twists and turns. 

The last four weeks have created swells of emotion. Small waves lapped at my feet, to begin with, but a few tidal waves inevitably hit as I resisted the reality around me. If you find yourself teetering on the edge of change, I urge you to submerge yourself into it. It is better to lean in with curiosity than to be dragged into the undertow. 

There’s a feeling of power that comes when you surrender to uncertainty. You begin to realize that nothing can hurt you. Clinging to the old, the familiar, is what actually hinders you most. Accepting change encourages you to grow, think in new ways, and adapt. It pushes you to be creative at a time when you’re tricked into thinking you’re running on empty. In truth, you’re just shifting gears. 

As we head into the end of the year I encourage you to soften your outlook. Accept that the rigid structures within your life may crumble and that you have the strength to not only rebuild but redefine your life in the aftermath.

Food For Thought

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."
— Albert Camus

"It's a wonderful life if you can find it."
— Nick Cave

"It's not enough to be nice in life. You've got to have nerve."
— Georgia O'Keeffe